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Realtorspeak, a Dictionary

By David Helm

Home Inspector with Helm Home Inspections

June 18, 2007 05:27 AM

First a disclaimer. This is all in jest and is not meant to offend anyone. I spend a lot of time looking at listings, because I am a very small time RE investor. I always get a kick out of the adjectives used to describe homes in these listings. The following are some of my definitions.

ELEGANT You can't afford it!

FABULOUS See ELEGANT

DEVELOPMENT POTENTIAL Bring a bulldozer!

CHARMER Old and in the way!

LUXURIOUS See ELEGANT

PRIVATE LOCATION You can't get there from here!

REMODELED A few upgrades done twenty years ago!

FIXER or FIXER UPPER See DEVELOPMENT POTENTIAL

HISTORIC See ELEGANT

CUTE Your family won't fit in this one!

STARTER HOME See DEVELOPMENT POTENTIAL

NEWER At least thirty years old!

CLASSIC See CHARMER

DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH See DEVELOPMENT POTENTIAL

VINTAGE See Charmer

These are a few of the terms I've discovered. I know there are more. Feel free to add any you'd like.

Thanks for looking

David Helm

www.helmhomeinspections.com

Comments(15)

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William Johnson

Retired - La Jolla, CA

Retired

Dear David,

I think your post was wonderful and fun to read. I think you should expound on it by adding more words.

Sincerely,
William

Jun 18, 2007 05:40 AM

Jon Mitchell

Classic Property Management - Santa Clarita, CA

Great post David! It is nice to see some truly funny posts every now and then. Keep up the great work!

Jun 18, 2007 05:47 AM

Linda Sanderson

Coldwell Banker Solano Pacific - Benicia, CA

Thanks for the smiles. I always enjoy a good sense of humor.

Jun 18, 2007 05:57 AM

Pam Hofmann

Third Tennessee Realty & Associates, LLC - Crossville, TN

Your Crossville, Lake Tansi & Fairfield Glade Specialist

COZY You can stand in the middle of the living room and touch all 4 walls

Jun 18, 2007 05:59 AM

Gary L. Waters Broker Associate, Bucci Realty

Bucci Realty, Inc. - Melbourne, FL

Eighteen Years Experience in Brevard County

I was going to add cozy but Pam added it first. I always love to see "Lots of Potential" which means that anything your buyer does will be an improvement!

Jun 18, 2007 06:22 AM

Mitchell Captain

AllSpec Professional Property Inspections Inc - Fort Lauderdale, FL

Home inspections in Broward, Dade, and Palm Beach

Very cute.

Jun 18, 2007 08:08 AM

Silvia Dukes PA, Broker Associate, CRS, CIPS, SRES

Tropic Shores Realty - Ich spreche Deutsch! - Spring Hill, FL

Florida Waterfront and Country Club Living

Thanks, for the chuckle!

Jun 18, 2007 08:29 AM

Mark Cole

Realty World Executive Group - Orange Park, FL

CRS

TLC- Too Lousy to Classify or Tough Luck Charley

I hate TLC.....be honest, it is a dump!

Jun 18, 2007 09:05 AM

Vicki Watzlawick

CORE Realty (The Watz Team) - Algonquin, IL

Illinois Foreclosure Expert, The Watz Team

Spacious - average
Charming - small
Comfortable - very small
Cozy - A broom closet would be bigger
Low maintenance - no lawn
Walk to stores - nowhere to park your car
Prestigious - expensive
Bright and sunny - Venetian blinds not included
Townhouse - former tenement
Modern - 30 to 40 years old
Contemporary - at least 15 years old
Sprawling ranch - inefficient floor plan
Natural setting - forget about planting, the deer will eat everything
Secluded setting - far away
Executive neighborhood - high taxes
Near houses of worship - fanatical denomination next door
Park-like setting - a tree on the block
Unaffected charm - needs painting
Starter home - run down
Hurry! Won't last - about to collapse
And much, much more - nothing else comes to mind

Jun 18, 2007 10:02 AM

Helm Home Inspections - Bellingham, WA

Bellingham, Wa. Licensed Home Insp

William, Jonathon, Linda Thanks for stopping by. A little humor is what I was going for.

Pam, I like your cozy addition

Gary, Mitchell, Sylvia, Thanks for taking a look

Mark, TLC is also a good addition; and has two definitions!

Jun 18, 2007 10:37 AM

Vicki, Super group of definitions. I'm glad to see others finding humor in advertising jargon.

Jun 18, 2007 10:38 AM

Steven L. Smith

King of the House Home Inspection, Inc. - Bellingham, WA

Bellingham WA Home Inspector

I was in the Bellingham Towers, on the 8th floor, a few years ago during that major earthquake we had. When it started shakin' I realized that, in all of Bellingham, it was probably the last place I wanted to be. As it was, it rocked and rolled okay.

Jun 18, 2007 04:48 PM

Thanks for looking in.

Jun 19, 2007 01:18 AM

Angie Vandenbergh

Crye-Leike, Realtors - Memphis, TN

A Crye-Leike Blogger

this is very funny.... thanks for sharing.

Jun 19, 2007 02:59 AM

jamie allen

Allen's Pest Inspections - Evansville, IN

David, that is funny!

Jun 22, 2007 02:50 AM

Realtorspeak, a Dictionary

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