Despite dozens of books and articles hailing the distinctive architectural history and extremely functional layout of the typical ranch-style house, many owners of these horizontal slices of Americana seem ashamed & disdainful of the lineage of their very own homes. 
Sometimes referred to as "California Ramblers", and "Ranch-Burgers", the post-WWII Ranch-Style House, by some estimates, comprises 70% of houses built between 1945 and 1970. By my own estimate, I'd venture to guess that 99% of the owners of these houses wish their homes were a different architectural style.
Addressing curb-appeal issues and advising exterior paint colors for our clientele is what we love to sink our teeth into, and nothing gets us salivating more than a good old fashioned Ranch-Burger.
Here in Louisiana, the Ranch-Burger (a name coined, no doubt, by it's flat and meat-patty-esque silhouette) is the complete antithesis of our famous architectural influence, New Orleans' French Quarter. In the course of a week's time, we console, and then attempt to counsel, at least 5 to 10 closeted Ranch owners about the reason their house looks the way it does. In complete denial, they describe their house somewhat evasively, avoiding our eyes, drawing pictures to work from, and deflecting direct questions, such as, "Do you own a Ranch?"
Mentioning the low-slung roof and the clean, unadorned style causes flinches of pain to flash across their brow, as if we are purposely rubbing salt into their wounds. Finally, they capitulate, "Yes, it is, and I hate it."
Then they quickly go on and tell us of all their plans to abuse and humiliate their minimalist, modern-era classic, with the addition of a wild tri-color scheme, porches, shutters, ironwork, awnings, and ultimately, a steeper-pitched roof. In short, they want us to co-sign their plan to turn what they feel is a sow'sear, into what they can percieve as a silk purse.
And so, we mentally gird ourselves for battle. We square our shoulders, focus intently into their beseeching eyes, and we deliver unto them the terrible truth about ranch houses. We each have our own versions of the following dialog chiseled into the bone on the inside of our foreheads. When it appears our eyes have turned heaven-ward to seek divine intercession, we are actually reading from our script, with all the solemnity and compassion of a funerary officiator:
"Ms. So and So, the goal of our appointment is to give you the best advice we can, and not take all day to do it. The outcome of your plans to drastically obscure the structure of your architecture away from it's original design will bear out a cosmetically bizarre façade, not unlike Michael Jackson's face. Please, I implore you, embrace the style of your house and the surrounding neighborhood, and let's work on enhancing your present design, not obliterating it, to preserve the dignity of your Ranch, and ultimately, preserve your future equity."
Some clients, at this point, end our appointment in a huff. Most, however, let out a final, drawn-out sigh of defeat, but at least maintain the social courtesy of hearing us out. We press on, despite the glazed look and the slumped shoulders,
"Ranch-Burgers were specifically designed without adornment. Their color schemes should reflect the more subdued colors found to blend in with natural surroundings. Usually only one trim and one body color are warranted, with perhaps a third color used sparingly, if at all. The front door steps back demurely from the view of the street. The end result should be a palette of ecologically inspired, low-key hues.
Drama, interest, and individuality are expressed in artful, well-tended landscaping. The elongated house is but a quiet backdrop. Nature and people are the main characters in a predominantly Ranch neighborhood, not the houses themselves.
It's just as wonderful a concept now as it was then."
The speeches rarely work. The ranch, once the most prolific and sought after style of architecture in North America, remains the red-headed step child of design. Sometimes, it seems they just have to see it for themselves, which is why we do what we do.
These near-useless verbal interventions, while deflating, never fail to make my tummy grumble.
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