friday funny: Friday'ss Humorrrrr - 02/23/12 10:11 PM
Never Argue with a Woman > One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside > cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. > > > Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. > > She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, > and begins to read her book. > > The peace and solitude are magnificent. > > Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. > > He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are … (4 comments)

friday funny: Friday'ss Funnyyyyy - 02/16/12 10:14 PM
Advanced Biology Class Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term test. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote: 1.) It is perfect formula for the child. 2.) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3.) It is always the right temperature. 4.) It is inexpensive. 5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6.) It is always available as needed. And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell … (7 comments)

friday funny: Friday'ss Humorrrr - 02/09/12 10:34 AM
> > PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. > > The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race... > > > The next day, the local paper headline read: > > > BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. > > This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.. > > > The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent.. > > The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: … (4 comments)

friday funny: Friday'ss Funnyyyy - 02/03/12 01:06 AM
EXERCISE FOR THE OVER 50’S Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag … (5 comments)

friday funny: Friday'ss Funnyyy - 01/27/12 01:50 AM
During my physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level. So I described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake." Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You must be some outdoorsman!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a Shitty golfer." … (4 comments)

friday funny: Friday's Funnyyy - 01/19/12 10:49 PM
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving. … (3 comments)

friday funny: Friday'ss Humorrr - 01/13/12 01:45 AM
bad luck If you think 7 years of bad luck are to much for breaking a mirror... Try breaking a condom. … (0 comments)

friday funny: Friday'ss Funnyy - 01/06/12 01:30 AM
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The … (1 comments)

friday funny: Friday's Funnyy - 12/23/11 01:55 AM
Alcohol Labels Just Like Cigarettes Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following Warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ … (5 comments)

friday funny: Friday's Funny - 12/16/11 12:57 AM
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 … (4 comments)

friday funny: Friday Funnyy - 12/09/11 06:02 AM
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to … (2 comments)

friday funny: Friday's Humorrr - 12/02/11 01:54 AM
The Italian Virginity Test Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit - A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel." Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc? The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, … (4 comments)

friday funny: Friday's Humor - 11/04/11 03:18 AM
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I … (6 comments)

friday funny: Friday's Chuckle - 10/28/11 01:19 PM
At a wine merchant's, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new oneto employ.A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.The Managing Director of the factory wondered how to send him away.They gave him a glass to drink.He tried it and said,"It's a Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope,matured in steel containers, not best quality but acceptable. "That's correct", said the boss. Another glass...."It's a Cabernet Sauvignon, eight years old, a south-western slope,oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees, requires three more years for finest results.." "Correct again." Said … (7 comments)

friday funny: Fridat's Funnies - 10/14/11 02:31 AM
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 am, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 pm, a foil wrapped, two-pound box of her favourite chocolates arrived.Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.'The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had … (1 comments)

friday funny: Friday's Funnt - 10/07/11 06:19 AM
A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off hisclothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call forme?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if youget an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she led him to theside of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled … (2 comments)

friday funny: Friday Funny - 09/16/11 02:54 AM
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
… (5 comments)

friday funny: Friday Funny - 09/09/11 02:33 AM
An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years.He had a huge man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area,For years it was the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer grew older, his "Oasis" was used less and less. It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbors occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an appearence.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond. He hadn't been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check … (5 comments)

friday funny: Friday Funny - 09/02/11 03:11 AM
The local news station was interviewing an 84-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband's occupation."He's a funeral director," she answered."Interesting," the newsman thought.He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she … (7 comments)

friday funny: Friday Funny - 08/26/11 03:13 AM
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. 'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.The old man looked off in the distance without answering.'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.The old man slowly looked at him and said,'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's … (4 comments)