Many of you know that I recently bought a home.
And, for those of you that don’t know that I recently bought a home…I recently bought a home. Here’s proof.
Although we are very happy with our home we did purchase, during this process, I happened to notice that as we viewed house after house, I kept seeing the same things happen over and over. And….not good things. Bad things. Bad things that were blatantly obvious to me. Bad things that literally turned me off. Bad things that were keeping this otherwise fine house I was standing in from selling faster.
So, as we went through the homes, I started keeping track of things that I saw that made the average buyer – ME – want to run away screaming. Here is my “Top 10 Seller Sins”:
1. Addition Addiction – Ok…exactly what were these people thinking when they added this addtion to their home?? It isnt level. The door frame isnt square. And, that simulated wood-grain indoor/outdoor burber carpeting is HIDEOUS!! Wasn’t this were the garage should be anyway?? I guess that explains the severely sun-faded paint job on the Sport Family Truckster in the driveway and the Christmas decorations piled floor-to-ceiling in the closet in the spare bedroom. I don’t care what anyone says…Bigger is NOT always better.
2. 
The “Pet-Owner Moaner” – The over-all assumption that since the seller loves their pets more than chocolate, so does everyone else. Here are a couple of quotes I heard directly from the sellers mouths: “Awwww, my cat must really like you to nestle into your neck like that.”; “I know he looks big, but he is really just a teddy bear.”; “We were able to clean up everything in the house except the cat room.”; “I cant remember if my son put away the ferrets or not, but feel free to look around downstairs.”
a. Ok…first and foremost, Im allergic to cats. I don’t mean that cats make me sneeze. I mean that I quit breathing and require adrenallin shots to keep from dieing. That thing is lucky I didn’t toss it out the open window that was next to me.
b. The “teddy bear” they were referring to…Yeah, that was a 158lb Rotweiller with a googlie eye and a broken tooth on the right side. His chain was tied to a cinder block that he happily drug around and tossed into the air during “playtime”.
c. The “cat room”??? Oh Lord in heaven!!!
d. If you cant figure out if your son left out a pack of rodents in the dark rooms down the creaky stairs without a safety rail and a working light switch, you can be damn sure Im not going to find out for you.
3. Auditory Unawareness – If you cant hear that your refridgerator is making a clicking noise that can be heard from the front yard, Im fairly sure you cant hear the floorboards creaking, the doors squeaking, or the apparent family of raccoons living in the attic. You also only hear what you want to hear. Instead of “Your house is priced too high”, you hear “Your house is of a high value”. Its not the same. Pay attention!
4. Color Blind – Holy Lord!! Who decorated this place?? Its like Andy Worhol threw his color pallet into a Cuisinart and hit ‘liquify’. The fuscia flower print wallpaper needs to go. And, I don’t carew what you say, it doesn’t do any justice to that wall with the fake woodgrain panelling it joins up to by the sunshine yellow couch. Worse yet…the white cabinets, white-washed walls, white countertops, and white tile is just a bit much.
5. “Take it or leave it” – Yup. Heard that come right out of a seller’s own mouth. We were discussing the possiblity of him making a necessary repair to a sliding glass door that lead out to a deck. Between the glass panes was about half an inch of standing water. Obviously, the seals on the window were compromised. When asked if he would spend the money to get the glass replaced and the seales re-done…or just replace the entire door…that was the response I got. Guess what…I left it.
6. Price-itis – The fear that your home wont sell for the price you are asking for it. I put in an offer on a home that was only $5,000 under what was being asked. The counter came back with a reduction of $1,000, but a clause to pay $4,000 in closing costs. Now, I may be bad at math…but, isnt that the same damn thing????
7. Fried Food Funk – You know what Im talking about here. If you can smell it, you won’t sell it. Bottom line here is that fried food smells, kitty litter, a back yard filled with dog crap, a nursery reaking of dirty diapers, etc…all add up to one thing – a very short showing. (Well, it also leads to gagging, shortness of breath, tears streaming down your face, and everyone skrunching up their nose and making that internationally known face that says, “Do you SMELL that???”)
8. Photog Fog – Everyone should take pride in their family photographs. I do. But, Im not trying to sell my house! I went into one home where, I kid you not, the entire living walls…every square inch…was covered in frame pics of family. There must have been 100 pictures in that room. Frames mounted together like a patchwork quilt of memories and bad matting jobs. Love the sentiment…love the family pride. But, I was COMPLETELY distracted from seeing the actual house.
9. “I collect them” – No kidding, really??? Nothing would have made me realize you collect dolls were it not for the fact that Im now suddenly very aware of the fact that 226 eyes are now following me through your house like Chucky with an ax to grind. Yeah, I couldn’t tell that you collect Vegas casino ash trays since they are on every flat surface in your entire house including 4 separate 6-ft tall bookshelves, your coffee table, the top of your TV, the end-tables, and the extra two shelves that you put up encircling the entire living room. But, worse than that, you have them on your toilet tank, your dresser…and in an amazing twist, you have drilled holes in them and replaced half of the doorknobs in your house with them. In case your agent hasn’t told you this….PACK THIS CRAP UP!
10. Livin in the past – I don’t care what you think, the pea soup green shag carpeting is not coming back in style. And, regardless of how many memories are associated with it, the nine-foot long, hunter orange, faux-leather couch on the wooden legs with the sleigh-style arms on the each end is FREAKING UGLY!! Regardless of whether or not they still work, the matching avocado green stove, fridge, and counter tops are ugly…and they are ugly 24/7/365. If you want to move this house…replace this ferocious eyesore. Better yet…HIRE A HOME STAGER!
Yeah, selling a house is hard. Selling a house in the market is harder. Selling one of THESE houses with a seller that sins like this…nearly impossible. Sellers, if you are reading this…listen to your agents. Agents, if you are reading this…make sure your sellers understand that buyers – like me – will look at these like neither of you know what you are doing and act accordingly. Probably by running away quick.
If you would like more information about Real Estate Client Referrals and how we can send you more clients to work with, please contact Clint Miller at 800-977-7058. Or, follow me on twitter www.twitter.com/TheRealClint.
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ROTFLMAO!!! Haaaaaaa! The things I could say but wont (LMAO). :-D