When I first got the call telling me about the death of my friend Teresa, I just wasn't too shocked. She had been ill for years with a variety of ailments, and had been a 2+ pack-a-day smoker since age 13. She smoked up until her last breath, even though she had to remove oxygen tubes from her nose to do so. It just wasn't a shock when her daughter called to tell me she had passed.
I've never smoked cigarettes, and only tried once. I was 15, and with my friend, we made a feeble attempt to become "cool" (Disclaimer: I have never been cool, never claimed coolness in any form or fashion, and coolness in general has eluded me throughout my life...even when I was a musician...but I digress).
I remember the incident going something like this: I put the cigarette in my mouth, and immediately felt slightly cooler. I felt older & wiser, and thought, "this will be fun!". I was so wrong. My friend brought the flame to the end of the thing and I, not knowing any better and wanting to do it right, sucked the smoke down deeply into my pure, pink, healthy lungs, and immediately had them reward me with an explosion of hoarse, painful coughs that dispelled any doubt that I was, indeed, uncool. It seemed like 10 minutes of hacking, and once it subsided (and still desperate for coolness), I mistakenly thought "well, it was my first time...my lungs are prepared for it now...here we go again!" I was more careful that second time, and I inhaled more slowly, but was greeted with the same reaction....another onslaught of wracking, hacking and chest pain...not to mention the sore, dry throat and mucus streaming out of every orifice in my face. Once I'd expelled the last of the poison from my lungs, I came to the sad conclusion that I'm not and never will be cool enough to smoke. Never.
How could anyone get past that first encounter with smoking? How could someone get addicted to that?
That brings me back to Teresa. Her death hit me full force at her funeral. She was 55 but looked 70 in her casket. Looking into her face for the last time, I saw that 13 year old girl trying to be cool. I looked at her family and friends all grieving...and knew that most of them are smokers, too. I started sobbing right then.
I know it's an addiction, but addicts get well every day, with help. It'll be difficult, and please don't think I'm judging...I just hate seeing families hurt by this addiction. If you're reading this and you smoke, please please please try to stop.
Contrary to popular belief...it's just not cool.
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