Blown off Course
A newbie balloonist is blown off course and is forced to land. He is in a field close to a road, but has no idea where he is. He sees a car coming along the road and hails it. The driver gets out and the balloonist says, "Howdy! Can you tell me where I am?"
"Yes, of course," says the driver. "You have just landed in your balloon, and with this wind you have obviously been blown off course. You are in the top field on John Dawson's farm, 12 miles from Albury.
John will be plowing the field next week and sowing wheat. There is a bull in the field. It is behind you and about to attack you."
At that moment, the bull reaches the balloonist and tosses him over the fence. Luckily, the balloonist is unhurt. He gets up, dusts himself off and says to the motorist, "I see you're an appraiser."
"Good grief," says the other man, "you're right! How did you know that?"
"I employ appraisers," says the balloonist. "The information you gave me was detailed, precise, and accurate. Most of it was useless, and it arrived far too late to be of any help."
Living Will
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a "Living Will"
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
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