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Flew the coop

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 GREC# 169695

I got a call yesterday from my daughter who is taking a mini vacation.  She called after she got there.  I'd like to say this was the first time that happened, but looking back my 17 year old daughter when in high school called me at work from the road when she went to Florida on spring break. (I was a little bit mad).  But clearly I raised her to be a strong and independent woman.

It made me think about a recent conversation with a friend who is an agent about a client who she was sure had found "the" home they needed and wanted to make an offer to purchase, but first their "mommy" had to come approve the house.  It wasn't from across town, it was a few states away.  And it was in a market where homes in that price ranger were flying off the shelf.  I have worked with many young first time home buyers who did want their parents to "see" the house, but not "approve" the house. 

Don't misunderstand me... I am nearly half a decade old and run my own business, but I often call and ask my mom's opinion on things.  At some point I think most of us come the realization that our parents are older, wiser and have more experience.  But while you wait for a parent to make arrangements to travel and drive that 600 miles and then the house is gone... does not seem the wisest choice.   Even knowing in Georgia our contracts have an "option" period this buyer would not even consider making an offer until their parent could arrive.  Now this lovely girl is renting an apartment because another family is moving into her dream house.  And her mom is a dentist.  If perhaps her mom was a Loan officer or real estate agent I could have found some sense in it, but that was not the case. 

At some point you have leave the nest, let go of  the apron strings, and make those grown up decisions on your own.  Looking back at my own life and relationship with my parents and my daughter and looking forward I see a lot of very stubborn and independent  folks in that view.  If you agent says to you that a house won't last on the market but a few days you have to realize they are the professionals and they know of what they speak.  Each person has the right to make decisions in the way they choose.  But if your parent needs to "approve" your home purchase they need to be available.   But maybe, just maybe you should make the decision without them and then invite them over for Thanksgiving Dinner in your new house.

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Tammy@Lake-Sinclair.com

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Tammy Lankford, Broker/Owner

 

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Chris and Dick Dovorany
Homes for Sale in Naples, Bonita Springs and Estero, Florida - Naples, FL
Broker/Associate at Premiere Plus Realty

Thoughts can run both ways on this subject.  With everyone in  the world aware of the 5 year long housing crisis I can see where young people really need to bounce the purchase on someone they trust.  They're not asking permission just don't want to be a foreclosure statistic.

Aug 10, 2012 02:02 AM
Iris Stuart
none - Santa Rosa, CA

Oh my!  We hear this story a lot, don't we?  Parents & extended family are wonderful people but unless they're contributing funds should be left out of the decision making process when kids are buying a home.  My daughter just moved into her first home and aside from helping her locate a good agent, and answering a few questions, I stayed out of the process.  But I raised my daughter to be independent and able to make decisions without me.  Our home is in escrow now but we nearly lost the buyer when she brought her elderly aunt, a retired Realtor, to see the house.  Fortunately she was able to make the decision in spite of her aunt's objections and auntie ultimately congratulated her after she had an accepted contract.

Aug 10, 2012 02:47 AM
Hella Mitschke Rothwell
(831) 626-4000 - Honolulu, HI
Hawaii & California Real Estate Broker

Some parents just don't know the current market. They keep referring to "back in our day" when they purchased their first home. They should be willing to get educated/listen to the Realtor(R) professional advice the same as the kids. Having said that, if they put money into the venture, they should have a say.

Aug 10, 2012 03:05 AM
Sandy Acevedo
951-290-8588 - Chino Hills, CA
RE/MAX Masters, Inland Empire Homes for Sale

When parents are put in the role of "approval givers," they oftentimes feel they have to find something in order to justify their 'wise' status. And it is not always a good thing.

Aug 10, 2012 03:46 AM
Joy Daniels
Joy Daniels Real Estate Group, Ltd. - Harrisburg, PA
I am watching my son become a valuable part of society and have had the privilege of seeing an older son reach this point too. But it sure is frustrating when parents interfere...
Aug 10, 2012 06:59 AM
Adrian Willanger
206 909-7536 AdrianWillanger-broker.com - Seattle, WA
Profit from my two decades of experience

Tammy-I've had this happen a number of times working with first time buyers, I get it, but sometimes circumstancedictate different strategies like a fast moving market. Good post!

Aug 10, 2012 07:15 AM
Evelyn Kennedy
Alain Pinel Realtors - Alameda, CA
Alameda, Real Estate, Alameda, CA

Tammy:

We all have people in our lives from whom we seek advice.  At the top of my list were my Mom and Dad.  I wish they were still around so I could consult with them. 

Aug 10, 2012 07:29 AM
Ed Silva, 203-206-0754
Mapleridge Realty, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

That's a tough lesson to learn, and maybe she won't be so reluctant to go forward when another opportunity presents itself. And yes her mother can come for a visit when she's moved in

Aug 10, 2012 11:47 AM
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

Joe- that was my plan too. So far, so good.

Andrea- case in point where child is young and parent is agent and child buying local a great exception.  Wasn't the case this time.

Richard- yes, I don't think previous generations did that.

Janis- I've had parents come in after a deal was done just to see and even a couple of times be mouthy, but never kill a deal

Toni- hate when anyone not directly involved is a know it all

Tatyana- "have your parents meet us there the first time" is the only thing I can think off

Brenda- exactly

Jared- not just the deal, but their adult child's chance at a great deal.

Michael- that's just awful

 

Aug 10, 2012 11:56 AM
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

Bruce- or just stay home

Elizabeth- glad I was never that parent.  Taught my daughter to use good judgment and trust professionals of all kinds.

Bliz- I couldn't agree more

Mike- yup

Sharon- And parents should encourage that kind of decision

Joni- yeah, I made her strong willed and then I lived with it.  But when I sent her off to college she was ready.  And I hope this buyer learned something.

Ron- wasn't in fact her fist home, just a new one

Chris and Dick, well now she's just a tenant

Iris- we must parent much the same

Hella- if my child can't buy a house without my money, she can't buy a house.

Sandy-  I think you nailed this case

Joy- I feel that way about my daughter.

Adrian- NOT a first buyer this time

Evelyn- I too ask my parents opinion, but I don't stop my life until I get their blessing

Erica- agreed

Ed- we're a college town and she's tied into a lease for a year now.

Aug 10, 2012 12:14 PM
Christine Donovan
Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA
Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M
Tammy - I've had many who wanted parental input though I agree that waiting for someone from another state makes little sense when the market is moving or perhaps any other time. Still, I did ask Mom to come look at my house. I was going to buy it, and she was 2 miles away. Plus, I wanted to talk loan options with her.
Aug 10, 2012 12:27 PM
William Johnson
Retired - La Jolla, CA
Retired
Hi Tammie, I love the comments and this was a great feature post. It is a least poosible in this case that the Parents are not allowing the kids to make a decision that the parents may disgree with. Families vary so much that ranges from support to required dependency. Sadly they may lose out on the right property because they may not be mature enough ( in their action or inaction). Guess eventually they will either grow up or perhaps remain dependent on the parents for a lot longer.
Aug 10, 2012 12:34 PM
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

Christine- I'm very close to my parents, but I did buy my house without them.  Mind you they asked for my input on theirs when building last year...  but they know it's  my business.  And this parent was clueless about real estate

William- If it was a younger person and a first house I could see it, it was neither.  But perhaps I'll list something next year she'll like too.

Aug 10, 2012 12:44 PM
Kim & Kristine Halverson
Sotheby's & Knipe ERA - Bend, OR
Sisters, Realtors

I've noticed this happens when the client doesn't have a great immediate support network.  Little gun shy too.  Kristine

 

Aug 10, 2012 12:49 PM
Gary Frimann, CRS, GRI, SRES
Eagle Ridge Realty / Signature Homes & Estates - Gilroy, CA
REALTOR and Broker

I've had parents almost kill sales, as well as sister in laws, brother in laws and almost the kids.  Buying a house is an adult decision, dang it.

Aug 10, 2012 03:14 PM
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

Kristine- well that's likely true, she was new in town

Gary- me too, that's JUST what I think.

Aug 10, 2012 10:31 PM
Jackie Connelly-Fornuff
Douglas Elliman Real Estate in Babylon NY - Babylon, NY
"Moving at The Speed of YOU!"

Hopefully she learned this time around. I've worked with buyers and their parents before and it's only been good experiences. In general, cut those apron strings and let the kids make their own decisions. Besides, that is what home inspections are for.

Aug 10, 2012 10:51 PM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Tammy- I think that regardless of anyone's relationship with their parents, we're always trying to seek their approval.  I was probably like your daughter... I did whatever it was I was going to do, then told her. 

Aug 11, 2012 12:52 AM
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

Jackie- I don't mind when want to look, but if the aren't paying, they shouldn't be choosing.

Kathy- In the long run that's a good thing.

Aug 11, 2012 08:11 AM
Karen Anne Stone
New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County - Fort Worth, TX
Fort Worth Real Estate

Tammy:  Great post.  Strangely enough... when I bought MY first home way back in 1970... I just HAD to have my Father look at it before I would do the paperwork.  Thinking back about it, I can actually picture the look on my agent's face as Dear Old Dad came over, sniffed around, and actually got down on his knees, and stuck his house key into a crack in the front sidewalk, and looked up and asked the agent about it.  LOL.  Luckily, we did "do the paperwork" on the home, and lived in it for five years... and made enough money out of it to use as a 20% down payment (way back when)... on our next home.

Again... great post.  It deserves to be Featured, so Congratulations on your Gold Star.  :)

Aug 15, 2012 10:22 AM