The Meaning Of Home

Mom turned 85 earlier this year.  Overall she is good health. Just some of those common ailments that go with being that age. Some trouble hearing, some vision loss, oh and a troublesome knee.  All in all not too dissimilar to others who are 85.  Much luckier than some to be sure!

These days there is lots of reflection.  She is sorting out and processing all the memories of a lifetime. Photo albums and keepsakes, great grandmothers amber broach, the silver dinner service and Aunt Helens quilt.  Is it a pastime a hobby or a rite of passage? I am not sure. It sure sparks some interesting conversations though.  Stories flood out – the good times and the bad times the joys and the sorrows.

It is, for me, both wonderful and hard. The wonderful part is to have the refresher course on family history and see her joy at sharing the stories. The sad is to think what will become of these things that mean so much to her.  At best some will wind up in my sisters attic or basement storage. The balance of those memories won’t be a part of my future.  I am in the “letting go of things” stage of life. I collect no "stuff" these days.

In one of our conversations she expressed a regret to me that resonated deeply.  She said that she regretted not having held onto the family home. The memories that only a house can hold, a part of our joint experiences and existence that she now realizes would have meant the most to her. She understands now that her homes she moved in and out of after we were grown and away were just that - her homes. Her sole and unique memories.  She finds herself now longing for that place with the shared memory,the place that could have been forever a part of all of us.

In a way I saw it as a tacit acknowledgement that she knew the “things” she was processing would never mean as much to anyone else as they had to her. But that a home – the simple four walls and a roof  -can hold so much more than things.

That comment Mom made resonated so deeply with me because I see clearly now that every day I get the chance to help people find that special place for themselves.  And it means so much more than we realize.