I've Been But Hurt Before

I was sitting with a friend the other day listening to her talk about some of her life challenges. The conversation was long. We were well into hour three of our discussion when she said .... "I've been but hurt before."

 

I immediately stopped her and said: "Excuse me. Did you say but hurt?"

 

She said: Yes. 

 

 

She continued talking.  In the context of her statement she was talking about things that her friends have done that hurt her. Mostly how she did not feel supported by her friends.  

 

I was distracted by her comment. Yet I chose to carry on the conversation so as not to interrupt her flow of sharing. 

 

The next day, I could not help myself.  I had to know what she meant by that statement.  I picked up the phone and called her. 

 

When I asked what she meant by that, her response was "what do you think I meant by it?" 

 

I told her I thought I knew but (no pun intended) I am now pretty sure I had a much different understanding.  I explained what I thought she meant. 

 

She laughed and said she could understand my logic. That however, is not what she meant.  She proceeds to tell me that she actually did not know what the intended meaning was. 

She had heard someone else use the expression, not ever questioning what that person meant by it, and just picked up the expression and started using it. 

 

I imagine there are many interpretations. She went on to tell me she meant it in the sense of getting ones panties in a twist ... and how that hurts.  Hum .... I don't even want to go there ... but now I am more confused. Now it is sounding like a butt hurt.

 

I shared another possible interpretation of "but hurt" which is why I am really writing this post.  Brenda Mullen wrote a post this morning which I feel is an excellent example of being butt hurt. Brenda shares how hurt or heartbroken she was when a friend chooses someone else. If you missed that post, you can read it here.  I do recommend you read Brenda's post. She can use some love and support right now. 

 

The "but hurt" goes like this: 

•         I was going to call you .... but
•         I was going to invite you .... but
•         I was going to list with you ... but 

 

Whatever precedes the word but .... does not matter.  The only thing that matters is that they didn't.  That's a but hurt. 

 

My friend appears to be clueless as to how I was butt hurt when she called to tell me her son just bought a house.  That's a real butt hurt because she referred her son to me. Initially, he was not ready.  I was not out of town or at the beach when it just happened that he and his fiancé walked into an open house.  The rest as they say is history. 

That's the kind of butt hurt we feel when we realize we are there supporting and helping our friends and after years of being there supporting and helping them ... we are hurt when reality slaps up alongside the head. 

 

All communication is subject to how the receiver understands what we say. 

 

Often times people do things that hurt us and they are simply clueless as to how they hurt us.  A lot of hurt we feel is unintentional by those we feel hurt by. 

 

But in the end  ....  but I did not mean to butt hurt you.   

 

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Kathleen Daniels, Managing Broker-Owner of KD Realty, serving San Jose and Silicon Valley. Kathleen specializes in Probate Real Estate.

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