We do all of the planning we can; put our assets in a trust, spend and plan wisely for taxes, make a very detailed will and tell our loved ones what we want when we are no longer here. We think we have taken care of every detail. Until it happens...a loved one passes away and leaves another loved one in charge. If everyone conducted themselves in a selfless and considerate manner, it would be fine, but unfortunately this is rare.
I spoke with a client whose husband had died. Rather than have a relative be executor, he had a close friend who he trusted do it. That way, they had no vested interest in keeping anyone happy and no repurcussions if a relative didn't like them anymore.
I know it is unlikely that you will go out and change your instructions so, here's my 2 cents worth: When a loved one dies, understand how hard it is for the executor. Know that they are probably the closest person the person who passed away had. The executor is mourning and still has to be practical. Know that there are instructions that the executor has to adhere to. Don't be angry with them...they are just the messenger. Be loving. Be empathetic. Be kind.
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