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It's not only what we say, but how we say it...

By
Home Stager with We Stage Colorado- Colorado's Premier Staging Experts

I was watching one of those real estate shows on HGTV the other day, you know the one where the couple sit next door watching a small TV as a real estate agent goes through their home offering their critique of the property. As with many topics on TV, shocking or confrontational behavior sells. I found myself bothered, not by what the agent was saying, as I thought she was right on the money, but rather how she said it. I thought to myself, okay it is just television and people don't really act that way in "real life". Well, I had a true reality check during a recent encounter with a potential client.

I met the client at her home and noticed that right off the bat she was apologizing for everything. She even wanted to know if she had hung the toilet paper roll the right way. Oh my gosh, I was thinking,"Why is this person so nervous?" As the property review went on it started to come out that she had met with another stager who had given this poor person the feeling that she had done nothing right and that in truth the house should be leveled rather than shown to buyers. I wish I could say that I was exaggerating but if I am it isn't by much.

I told her she had a lovely home which was absolutely perfect for her and her family. (It was) At this, she began to cry. "Whoa, where was this coming from", I thought. She began to open up and tell me that they were moving back to their hometown to be near a parent who had been recently diagnosed with a serious illness. As she spoke, I realized this poor woman had an incredible amount on her plate and was stressed beyond belief.

Were there things that needed to be addressed in the home to prepare it for sale? Absolutely! It is our job to help home sellers to objectively see their home become the product that it is  and what needs to be done to get top dollar. How we go about that makes a huge difference in how the seller feels about the entire staging experience and it's value. So here are a few things I was reminded of with this experience.

We can deliver some of the most difficult news if we make it a point to be kind and compassionate.

We need to honor the homeowner, their taste and their possessions regardless of whether their taste is in line with our own.

We must remember that a person's home is their protection and safe haven from the world. We are privileged to be allowed inside.

Words like disgusting, gross, filthy, obnoxious, (well you get the point) need to leave our vocabulary. They accomplish nothing but hurt feelings.

By carefully choosing words that represent the point I am trying to make, and which allow clients to maintain their pride, we all win.

We can still be clear about what needs to be done and speak kindly, with honesty and sincerity.

If we can remind ourselves of these things before we speak we will find a greater level of success and know that by honoring the people we serve, we are honoring ourselves and our profession.

It is absolutely true that people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. Take the time to deliver your message in the kindest and most caring way. It will come back to you tenfold and enhance your reputation as a true staging professional.

Comments(20)

Lori Kim Polk
Premiere Home Staging : Home Staging Services - Roseville, CA
Home Stager - Roseville, Sacramento
Absolutely!  Very well said and wonderful post Trish.  We do need to remember that we are treading on someone else's turf... one that is their ground.  It is hard to be honest at times... a certain eloquence to the words is the key.
May 21, 2007 06:02 PM
Doreen McPherson
Homesmart ~ Scottsdale ~ Tempe - Tempe, AZ
Phoenix Arizona Real Estate ~

I would feel terrible if I set my client up with a stager who treated her that way. 

May 21, 2007 06:58 PM
Sandi Gerrard
Toronto, ON
I totally agree - we must always be tactful and kind, and respect the home owner at all times.  Images of Ann Maurice (The House Doctor) and her brutal approach must scare off a lot of people from even calling a stager in.  We know that just makes for good TV, but some might think that's how all of us are !
May 21, 2007 11:53 PM
Earlene Myers
Fleming Island, FL
Your Client Connection
You are so right Trish.  People sometimes just don't think before they speak and unfortunately the "no holds bar" mentality on TV shows transfers to everyday living.  One of my favorite quotations is  "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" This is a quote of Maya Angelou (one of my favorite people) 
May 22, 2007 01:46 AM
Anthea Click
Fresh Perspectives - www.InsideNashvilleHomes.com - Franklin, TN
Nashville Home Stager - Selling Nashville, TN homes quickly!

Trish,

Thank you for representing our industry in such a positive light. How embarassing for us that a stager would be so cruel. I was always taught you attract more bees with honey......

May 22, 2007 01:57 AM
Isabel Gomes
Gomes Design - London, ON
Interior Decorator, Stager - London, Ont

Trish, I agree with totally we allmust be aware that each home is perfect for each family and we are there to help them. That recommendations that are made are not reflections of their taste and possessions.

 

Earlene, I love that quote by Maya Angelou.  I am definitely going to pass on this to my children.

May 22, 2007 02:34 AM
Yvonne Root
rooms b.y. root - Prescott, AZ
Home Stager - Northern Arizona
It is absolutely true that people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. Trish, this one sentence says it all. How dare someone walk into another person's home (that is HOME - safe space) and say such awful things? I'm so glad you were able to let the home owner know she had a wonderful home for her and her family. Good going!
May 22, 2007 07:02 AM
Sandi Gerrard
Toronto, ON

Beautiful quote, Earlene ... thanks for reminding us of it.  Maya Angelou is so eloquent and elegant !  One of my favorite people too.

 

May 22, 2007 07:11 AM
Shell Brodnax
Real Estate Staging Association - Valley Springs, CA
CEO- RESA
Very very well said!! I personally think that TV is one of the primary reasons home owners DONT want to stage or even have a stager over. It gives us a bad rap! When in real life we would never ever say those things. I always tell homeowners I am not here to judge your or your things, I always toss in "you should see my house" It tends to put them at ease.
May 22, 2007 07:23 AM
Maureen Bray Portland OR Home Stager ~ Room Solutions Staging
Room Solutions Staging, Portland OR - Portland, OR
"Staging Consultations that Sell Portland Homes"

Trish,

Graet post, thanks for reminding us about the importance of what we say and HOW we say it!  I've heard stories like yours where the homeowner was treated poorly by another stager, and it made me sad to think this could happen. 

May 22, 2007 07:37 AM
Cheryl-Anne Priest
Inviting Spaces - Home Staging Calgary - Calgary, AB
Inviting Spaces - Staging Calgary

Trish

Unfortunately advertisers pay for what sells and what sells is bad manners.  I think it is the nature of society to want to see others put down so there is a feeling that their own situation isn't so bad.  After all, if a person can watch a TV show about how cluttered, dirty and disorganized someone's elses home is and watch that person's home being trashed, then they can look around at their own property (granted through rose colored glasses) and say "Hmmmmmm, my place looks like a palace compared to that."

It was wonderful of you to listen to the homeowner and pull them up from that dark place that the other stager had pushed them.   A little sugar goes a long way to mend broken feelings.  

May 22, 2007 09:35 AM
Sandi Gerrard
Toronto, ON
Shell - that's exactly what I say !  It really does help them feel better and gets them to stop apologizing for their perceived disaster.
May 22, 2007 09:49 AM
Kathleen Lordbock
Keller Williams Realty Professionals - Baxter, MN
Keller Williams Realty Professionals

And of course this wouldn't hurt if we applied it to all areas of our lives.

Note to Kathleen:

remember what you just commented!!! 

May 22, 2007 12:56 PM
Toronto's 2 Hounds Design: Decorating + Staging
2 Hounds Design + Home Staging - Toronto, ON
Trish, that was a really great blog. Thanks for the gentle reminder. I feel terrible for the poor woman!
May 22, 2007 01:32 PM
Penny Schoenbeck
AZ Home Styling & Redesign - Mesa, AZ
AZ Home Styling

Hi Trish,

This is such a great post, I had a similer client. The realtor I work for sent me over to this clients house (the realtor pays me to stage 2 rooms) So I get there and the home owner is not feeling the love with me at all right from the minute I walk in and I'm not sure why, but I contunue my consutation. I come back 2 days later and she's a whole new person. She did everything I asked her to and more, she even asked if I needed any help. When I was finished I asked her if she would write a testimony for me, she said, absolutely!

This is some of what she wrote, and I quote; I was apprehensive about someone coming into my house and telling me what was wrong. After all I think I am pretty good at decorating already. What I thought was going to be an exercise in what was wrong, turned out to be a lession in improving on what I already had in my home. Penny was wonderful and at no time did I feel like she disapproved of my decorating"

It wasn't until I read this client's testamony that I understood why she acted the way she did on our first meeting. So Trish you hit the nail on the head with this post! Thank you!

May 22, 2007 02:03 PM
Val Allocco
Staged 2 Sell New York & Long Island - Northport, NY
HSE; ASHSR - Home Stager, for Manhattan, Brooklyn & Long Island

Trish,

There is never a need to be so blunt that it borders on cruelty...people can still get the message if they are approached in a non-judgemental manner and treated respectfully. 

I always go out of my way to find something positive to compliment the homeowner about and then tell them in the most gentle way of what needs to be changed and why.  I always remind them that our HOMES reflect our own styles and preferences, but that the HOUSE that is going to be sold has to appeal to many different tastes and therefore we have to make whatever changes are necessary to reach that goal.

VAL

 

May 22, 2007 02:07 PM
Debra Rose
First Impression Home Staging & Redesign - Tracy, CA

Loved your article Trish.  So far in my staging career, most of my jobs have been in vacant homes, so I have not had to work with the homeowner directly. In the homes that I have worked in that were occupied, the owners have all been great.  What do you say to that one owner who does not want you to touch or move their stuff?  I am curious on how I would address this delicate issue.

Thank you,

Kimmie Pitcock - First Impression Home Staging & Redesign

May 22, 2007 04:22 PM
Michelle Minch
Moving Mountains Design Home Staging, Pasadena, CA - Los Angeles, CA
Home Staging Los Angeles and Orange County, CA
Trish: Thanks for the insight. I often have clients apologising to me when I walk in the door. With a few exceptions, I have seen much worse than what I see on most consultations. The first thing out of my mouth is always "What a beautiful (lovely) home" which tends to change the tone of the conversation. I am always amazed to hear that the person that was there before me was rude/disrespectful/judgemental. The upside is that someone else's bad manners make it easier for me to win a new client.
May 23, 2007 07:07 AM
Karen Otto
Home Star Staging - Plano, TX
Plano Home Staging, Dallas Home Staging, www.homes
Trish you are preaching to the choir here - I completely agree with what you say and I've written a few blogs on the subject myself.  Our approach is so important and really we are priveledged to be able to enter someone's home their sanctuary and offer our services to assist them. We never know what's going on inside them or behind the scenes - I know when I moved it was a very emotional time for me.  Thanks for the reminder!
May 23, 2007 09:03 AM
Tina Parker
EXP Realty Canada Inc. - Halifax, NS
Managing Associate Broker

I think this is an area that needs to be addressed in our attempts to educate about staging.  We do not walk into homes to judge but to offer objective eyes matched with market knowledge to sell real estate effectively.  Professional stagers are not rude, some people who happen to stage are rude and should not be tolerated anywhere by anyone.

May 23, 2007 01:31 PM