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DINING DIFFERENTLY FOR BUSINESS?

By
Real Estate Agent with Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage

20 years ago I actually taught business courses on how to put your best face forward in business scenarios.   Many of the courses were directed at females only and talked about a professional image as well as little things that women were not being taught previously:  how to correctly shake hands etc.   Things I'd like to think are now just standard behaviour for men and women in today's world. 

What's the old saying?  "We've come a long way Baby!"  

Then, I came across a newspaper article written by Pamela Eyring which actually made me say out loud W.T.H.???  

It was called Business dining:  Dos and don'ts.  Manners matter when the dinner table functions as the boardroom table.

No offence to Ms Eyring, but isn't this all commonplace nowadays?  At least for professionals??

Maybe not . . .

We now have young business people, male and female, who have never been taught the normal niceties.  They might never have sat down to a family dinner table and been correctly shown what is and is not acceptable.    That saddens me but it is a sign of our times.  

I have come across people in their 20s who have never learned how to set the table, let alone how to actually dine at a table.  They've eaten every meal in front of the tv or computer (as do their parents)  No only do they not know which fork to use, they don't even know that there might be a possibility of multiple forks at their place setting! 

Yes, I know the world has become much more informal.  I know that some things are just not seen as important any longer but I disagree . . .    First impressions are lasting impressions and this includes business lunches or dinners.

In Ms Eyring's article, she advises things such as Be On Time!   (this is a pet peeve of mine as any of my regular readers can attest to!) 

Another pet peeve Pamela advises on is Turn Off ALL Devices Before Being Seated!!!   

I suggest BEFORE YOU GREET THE PERSON!!!! 

It is not a difficult task to accomplish - just do it!  You will not be seen as the All Important Go To Guy if your phone is constantly interrupting.  You will be seen and rude and ignorant.  Big difference!   (Unless you are expecting a very important call and you announce that to your guest in advance - there are exceptions to every rule.)

She goes on to say Follow Good Form (or manners 101)  Things like what to do with your napkin, your cutlery, DON'T TAKE FOOD FROM SOMEONE'S PLATE!!  

Really?   Are we in prison?

Oh yes one more tip:  Know what is yours and what is your neighbours!  I was taught when I was a Five Year Old:  Lumpy to the Left and Runny to the Right - get it?  But I am always surprised at a dinner companion using my bread plate or drinking from my water glass.  Yes, I know some of my friends were raised by wolves!

And finally, Remember what Your Mother Told You:  toys off the table.  (phone especially - see above!) 

And, be kind to your server.

???

Again, to me this is just common knowledge but before any of you can say it . . .

Common knowledge is no longer Common!!!

So before your next public meal (I say at home meals too but I might be outvoted on this one) pay attention to the above rules and if you have questions or need help, don't hesitate to ask BEFORE you embarrass yourself.

And to Pamela Eyring, thank you for keeping on keeping on!   I would like to have thought we no longer had a need for what we both taught, but sadly that is not the case.  So to you Pamela, I say you have my respect and my thanks for still trying to make the world a more civilized place!

 

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If you're thinking about selling, I'd love to meet with you and provide a Market Analysis and go over my Marketing Plan - it is the little things that make the difference.**

 Susan Emo
Sales Representative,
Sotheby's International Realty Canada, Brokerage*
Kingston, Ontario

www.SusanEmoSellsHomes.com

 Serving the Kingston, Gananoque and the 1000 Islands Region
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Comments(17)

Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Susan- I love this and have suggested this.  Just because "we've come a long way baby" doesn't mean we have to ditch some traditions and manners that have served us well.  And, with so many being brought up with microwaved dinners on the run because of after school activities, many families no longer have the family dinner with everyone at the table any more. 

I was taught the "b" and "d" which is just like your lumpy and runny!  

Mar 16, 2012 05:18 AM
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

Thanks Kathy - I appreciate that.  When I quoted that saying, it was in the hope that, what I was teaching 20 years ago actually stuck and that, in this day and age, people would come by it naturally, without further need of these classes.  Sadly, I am wrong.  Just like you stated, there is now more of a need than ever before!  

Hopefully people will take advantage of what is being taught.

PS   I like your b and d :0)    Whatever works!!

Mar 16, 2012 05:41 AM
Jo Olson
HOMEFRONT Realty - Kettle Falls, WA
Retired - HOMEFRONT Realty @ LAKE Roosevelt

Susan, I am amazed at the bad manners of all these days.  I am amazed at how many young adults are so inconsiderate when it comes to manners.  

Mar 16, 2012 06:01 AM
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

Jo -  it can only be put back on the parents shoulders. (and their parents too!)   It is getting pretty disgusting out there though.  Just this morning I demanded a young girl (approx 14 yrs) to scrape her spittle off my sidewalk and to not let me see her do it again!   Little pig!!!  Whoever taught them that is is acceptable behaviour.

Mar 16, 2012 06:04 AM
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

I confess... even out at dinner I always have my phone on the table... if I'm with my family... I sometimes forget the rules when I'm with family.  Even when guests have been at my home before I take calls.... I'm the broker and feel I MUST be available in case of emergencies for my agents.  But I promise... to try to do better. :)

Mar 16, 2012 06:12 AM
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

Tammy - I can see you standing there, hand on your heart LOL    The difference is Tammy, you do know the difference and your situation may be different than the majority. 

Mar 16, 2012 06:22 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate Services

Susan,  You are so right ... common is not common these days.  I recently had a business lunch.  The person attacked the food as though they had not eaten in a week!  His face was down in his plate.  It was such a turn off. Sad to say, it was less of a turn off than the phone which sat next to him which he consistently tapped on ... checking ... whatever?!  R-U-D-E does not completely describe it!

Mar 16, 2012 07:26 AM
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

Kathleen, I don't know if I would have been successful in not making a comment thru that lovely lunch!!!   I might have shared the new meal time game where everyone puts their cell into the centre of the table and the first person to touch theirs pays for lunch!!!

Mar 16, 2012 08:20 AM
Sharon Lee
Sharon Lee's Virtual Assistance - Jonesborough, TN
Retired and loving life

Hi Susan-It is sad that this area of life has changed so much and manners are common courtesy anymore. Hope you have been doing well.

Mar 16, 2012 09:54 AM
William Feela
WHISPERING PINES REALTY - North Branch, MN
Realtor, Whispering Pines Realty 651-674-5999 No.

Yes...many people have been raised by wolves.  It also does not help that we are in the ME generation and to Hell with everyonoe else.

Mar 17, 2012 08:43 AM
Juli Vosmik
Dominion Fine Properties - Scottsdale, AZ
Scottsdale/Cave Creek, AZ real estate 480-710-0739

Sorry, Susan, but I don't think you said it enough - TURN THAT PHONE OFF!!!  Only once in the last few years did I attend a business luncheon where I even left the phone on vibrate.  I explained very soon after the pleasant greetings that I was expecting ONE call I woud have to take.  When it came, I excused myself, walked outside and kept the call to a minimum.  When I came back, I put the phone in my purse and out of site.  The client actually thanked for me telling him upfront what I would be doing and, then, getting it over with so we could continue uninterrupted.  

Mar 17, 2012 09:26 AM
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

Sharon -  I've found that they can't even spell M-A-N-N-E-R-S let along apply them!  Hope you are enjoying a Happy St Patrick's Day!

Mar 17, 2012 09:32 AM
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

William - Raised by wolves indeed!  (but is that not an insult to the wolves?)

Mar 17, 2012 09:33 AM
Susan Emo
Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage - Kingston, ON
Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area

Juli -  good for you!  That is exact perfect etiquette and something I wish more people would learn.  Happy St Patrick's Day!

Mar 17, 2012 09:35 AM
Sidney Kutchuk - Realty Works Temecula Kutchuk - Realty Works Temecula
Realty Works Temecula - Temecula, CA
Realty Works Temecula

Susan:  It does seem like common sense but you're right it is not.  One thing that really bothers me is the napkin thing.  I notice a lot of people not putting it on their laps....maybe I'm old fashioned but I was always taught to do that!

Mar 21, 2012 05:31 AM
Myrl Jeffcoat
Sacramento, CA
Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

What - No business meetings, while going through the Drive-Through?  I remember when I first got in this business years ago, the agents in our little office, seemed to have a Tuesday morning tradition of touring homes, and then going through some drive-through.  We ate on the freeway on the road back to the office:-)  For some crazy reason I miss those days and the comaradrie.

However, I agree, table manners are especially important in a business environment.  I agree with Valerie. . .Folks need to turn off the cell phone during these encounters.

Mar 23, 2012 11:06 AM