These days it is not uncommon for adult children to move back to their parents home. Many young adults have problems finding good paying jobs once they are out of college or simply cannot afford living on their own. Still others seek the "Easy Button" and no job seems to work out.
A friend of mine recently faced this challenge and I suggested he write out an agreement, before his son moves back in, to help every one be on the same page.
This is what he wrote:
A letter to my grown-up son who isn't really a loser, but really isn't a winner either.
To My Grown-Up Son Who Has Decided He Has No Choice But To Move Back Home:
For 18 years I dealt with stress. I dealt with the heartbreak of girlfriends who never turned out right. I dealt with the sneaking out of the house at night, the early morning sneaking back in, and fearing for my life every time you didn't get to drive my car. When you moved out to go to college, I felt like my job was done. You got a degree using mostly my money. You managed to get a job at first too, but that was something that just “didn't work out well for you.”
And now... you're 26 and I'm stuck dealing with all this stress again. God help me. To help us both deal with this stress you're causing mostly me in your decision to move back home, I have a few things to say to you.
You've Got To Follow My Rules
If you thought I was strict before, then you're going to love me now! Your life before moving out was easy compared to what I'm going to expect from you now. My expectations of you, my grown-up son, are as follows:
- You will get a job. I don't care if it's flipping burgers, washing dishes, or begging for money on the street corner in dirty clothes. You will earn money.
- You will pay rent. Whether you earn $300 or $3,000 a month, one-third of your income is mine. This is non-negotiable. I don't care about your expenses. You get food, a bathroom, free cable, and a safe place to sleep at night. You're going to pay those expenses to me first.
- You and your room will be clean. Your mother is not your slave. I am not your slave. You will be clean or you will have a bigger opportunity to beg for more money on the street in your dirty clothes.
- The remote is still mine. I under stand that you are a male and you hate commercials as much as I do, but the television is not yours. It is mine. Therefore the right to change channels when a commercial comes on, when something boring comes on, or because I want to piss you off remains mine whenever I am around.
I Am Your Father – I Am Not Your Bank
You no longer have the privilege to ask me for money while you live here again. I will not buy you new clothes, new shoes, or new whatever-else-you-can-think-of unless you need something to get a good job. Then I will loan you the money and you will pay me back, with interest, out of your first paycheck. Don't ask to use the car. You can use the bus. If that's not satisfactory, let me teach you a little trick:
- Hold out your arm.
- Raise your thumb in the air.
- Use your bicycle
I love you son, but this isn't going to be a hotel. Your mom and I don't provide free room service. We are not your housekeepers. If you have a problem with this, then there's the door. No hard feelings.
There Will Be No Sex Under My Roof
I want you to find love. I do. Your mother wants grandchildren. I'm not so sure about that myself. My fear is that you'd want my grandkids to live with us too! While you are here, there will be no sex in your room over there, in the bathroom, or anywhere else on this property. If I'm not getting any sex, you shouldn't be getting any sex. That's the rule. Follow it.
Most importantly, however, you must remember to never...
...Ever...
...EVER drink the last beer. I will not be held responsible for my actions if you do such a horrible thing. I will tell your mother that you decided to leave with a girl you met and that you're spending the rest of your life in Costa Rica. Your mother will be doubtful for a while, then resentful when you don't call, but I'll plant daisies on top of your grave and your mother will enjoy her new flowerbed in the backyard immensely.
That's right – drink my last beer and you will be forgotten.
With all the love in the world I can muster,
Your Dad
I laughed as I read the letter but I think Dad made some good points. Interesting to see the perspective of a Dad vs as a Mom!
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