Has this ever happened to you?????

Five approaches to TP maintenance: 

You could start with a basic visual aid...

2. Or perhaps appeal to their sense of patriotism...

3. Or go with a not-so-veiled threat...

4. Of course, you could just let your backside do the talking...

5. But remember to cite your sources...

A couple of weeks ago I picked up a new client from a sign call. Even though they were in their mid 50's they were first time home buyers.

At the first contact, the husband appeared to be a big gruff guy, guarded and jaded but the wife was a delight from the first moment. Not deterred, before long we bonded. They wanted a small home and wanted to pay cash. We made an offer and it was countered and rejected. We forged on and found "the one" three days later.

During the course of conversation I learned that Debbie was ill and had been through several bouts of cancer and Lupus and her future was uncertain. As Dan told me the story a tear formed in the eye of this big tough marshmallow in the middle man. He shared with me that Debbie wanted a home and Dan's only wish was to buy her one, his only goal to make her happy. I knew right then and there that I would help find them a house.

These folks didn't have a lot of money and some Realtor's might have blown them off, but not me. On Valentines Day we got our second offer accepted. I called to tell them and told him that the acceptance of the offer was his Valentines Day present to Debbie. He said he had been to the store earlier that day, purchased a card and then sat in the car for four hours trying to express in words his sentiments of love for her.

We signed on the home today and I have never seen two more thankful and excited people. After signing, Dan sheepishly pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket and handed me a card. Inside the card were two one hundred dollars bills and this sentiment:

Cecily

"Thank you so much for all the hard work & butt kissing that you have done for the two of us! You will always be with us. You are so pretty and have a great sense of humor and a powerful determination. I hope your future and life go great guns! Enjoyed you and Jim (The home inspector, and our own Active Rainer, Jim Allhiser, Perfection Inspection, Inc) so much and I can't remember when I've laughed so hard. Thank You again."

All our best forever,

Deb & Dan

This, my friends is the reason we do this job.

The price of this manufactured home: $34,500.

My fee: $1575 + a $200 "feeling the love" bonus.

The feeling of helping wonderful people like this buy a home and realize a dream: Blissful.

The love between this couple and the look on their face when they were handed the key: Priceless. 

Watching the news this morning I couldn't help but let out a disgusted groan! No, not by the sad state of real estate affairs and the mortgage bailout debacle but by the headline story that Jessica Simpson has packed on some pounds and is her "rubenesque" look here to stay. Is this all Hollywood has to talk about?

They showed a before picture of Jessica and then a current picture of her from the front and a shot of her bum. Oh, please! The girl still probably wears a size 6 or 8, which albeit is huge by California standards where everyone is a size 1/2 or at the most a size 0 or at least claims to be.

A few weeks ago Oprah made news for days after she confessed her weight had ballooned up to over 200 pounds. With all of the problems going on in the world right now the question of how many pints of "Cherry Garcia" ice cream Oprah eats in one sitting and how many fat rolls she has seems so irrelevant. And what's with her and Steadman???(Oops)

I don't care that Jessica is squeezing into her jeans or that Brittany has showed her hoo hoo to the press for the 38th time. By the way, I don't need to see another close up of that shot on the web!

So let's take a survey...

Here are the questions on the table:

Do you really care that Oprah will be shopping for a summer wardrobe at the local tent and awning store and that her backside was the size of New Jersey last year but is the size of Texas this year?

Is the size of Jessica's bum and the fact that lately it's looking a little more like Oprah's and a lot less than Barbie's keeping you up at night??

Are you concerned that Brittany can seem to find a single store in all the world that sells underwear???

Does the burning question of who's in celebrity rehab today have you surfing the net at all hours of the night....David Duchovny, perhaps? FYI: If you are a non celebrity it's called "cheating" but if you are a big movie star then it's called a "sex addiction".