Read Part 1 of Living Outside the Box
I entered the Grand Rapids, Michigan real estate market just before the markets began its remarkable upswing. In 1995, faxes and e-mail scans were not the primary means of delivering an offer. Face to face negotiations required patience, persistance, and a thick skin. If it was NOT a particularly attractive offer...well, let's put it this way, the dining room table in the home of a disgruntled seller could easily become hostile territory.
I tried to heed the advice of my trainer who urged us "Rookies" not to take things personally. The challenge for me was this: How do you NOT take it personally when you are embarrased and/or humiliated during an offer presentation? How do you NOT take it personally when another Realtor's rudeness or incompetence turns an otherwise uncomplicated transaction into a nightmare? How do you NOT take it personally when the appraiser walks up the steps of the house you have listed to conduct an impartial appraisal and BEFORE even entering it announces that he has decided he does NOT like this house and won't pass it? (Yes, this actually happened to me.)
Overtime, as I have been involved in more transactions, I have dealt with a number of challenging and unfair situations. I realized that if I allowed bitterness and resentment to color the lens through which I viewed my transactions, I would soon find myself living in a very small box. It is not uncommon during conversations to hear others refer to an agent with whom they had a difficult transaction in disparaging terms. This grudge bearing is not limited to agents...buyers and sellers sometimes offer to regale me with tales about horrible transactions. At first I listened, but eventually came to understand that I can just as easily become the subject of their next story. I soon learned that the best response was to say " I appreciate your concerns, but we must know focus our attention on the task at hand."
Initially, I misunderstood how to implement my trainers advice. "Don't take it personally." I thought that if I didn't think about these incidents, the pain of perceived slights and insults would simply fade away. They didn't. Overtime, I noticed that I began to recoil at the thought of calling to show certain homes or meeting certain people as I harbored disspointment and resentment in my heart. These choices simply relegated my distress to a deeper level of my subconscious. This was definitely short on positive results; my mental, emotional and physical well-being all being adversely affected.
A more mature understanding of the principles emobdied in the Greek Definition of the Word for Love, reveals its immense practical relevance. Agape love is powerful when directed towards a friend, but it goes into stratospheric levels when focused on those by whom you have been mistreated. For starters, they can no longer place you in a box! Whenever, I make the decision to release someone who has wounded me, my healing starts...I am no longer on their timetable. Agape Love is overcoming love, unlimited by the constraints of human interactions. Agape love is eternal, directly on loan from the Creator Himself. I realize that I don't have the capacity to create Agape love, but can allow God to flow His Love through me. Agape Love heals my soul.
I am learning to engage and practise a Few Simple Transformational Business Principles. Here some suggestions I am using to Keep My Heart's Love Account Balanced. Perhaps they can be of assistance to you as well.
Keep Short Accounts
- It is a form of Irrational Emotional Accounting to alienate professional & personal relationships because of a perceived slight or insult. Remember that someone else, somewhere on this planet, is probably seeking therapeutic assistance for some of your misdeeds to them!. Sometimes, I wish we were able to get a look at the ledger which revealed how much we had forfeited because we refused to release another's debt of offense. We would see that there are transactions which we missed because we did not have the creative energy reserves for them, opportunites which we were blind to, all because we carried excessively long accounts. So let it go, no one is perfect.
Keep focused on the task at hand.
- Will this really matter in 1 year? I honestly cannot remember what irritated me a year ago, can you? If what is being done is unethical or unjust...yes, it will matter in a year. In a year, the individuals impacted will have suffered needlessly. If the answer is YES, then no commission is worth the compromise. If the answer is NO, then let it go. The price of losing focus is a luxury we cannot afford. Remember that another's well-being is ultimately somehow inter-related to your own. We are all connected!
Keep It Polite...Mind Your Manners.
- Practice being polite before you find yourself in a difficult situation. Practise saying thank you for the little things, particularly with members of your family. Practise simple acts of respectful kindness like holding the door open for someone else. Practise honoring people by calling them "Sir" & M'am...it has a way of getting you into the habit of acknowledging and reinforcing in your subconscious mind the importance of others.
Keep Your Love Channel Clear...This Really is What You Need!
This is not easy, but living in a rapidly clustraphobic box because you choose to nurse a hurt is infinitely more difficult. Sometimes we ignore the indicators which signal a blockage in our love channel. When you find yourself wincing at the mention of someone's name...there is an interruption of the flow of love. When you avoid showing a certain person's listing...there is an interruption of the flow of love. When you wince at the prospect of meeting someone...there is an interruption in the flow of love. Learn to honor this message. You can't always change the other person or the situation...but we can all make a choice to move forward with our lives rather than stagnate on life's stage because we choose to hold on to that which we must release.
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