realty humor: The Best Ways To Annoy A Listing Agent...
- 03/16/11 03:50 PM
1. Leave feedback on the showing that reads: "Offer coming, best we've seen all month!" Then send no offer, return no calls and ignore inquiries from the LA.
2. While showing, leave your business cards all over the house with your cell phone highlighted in bright yellow...... You're a discount broker.
3. Ask the LA for the last 12 months utilities, copies of the seller disclosure, 1/2 dozen questions about the soil, atmosphere, neighbors, previous floods, the roof...... SEND NO OFFER.
4. Leave this for feedback: "Thanks for letting us show."
5. Send your offer to the listing agent as … (26 comments)
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realty humor: SEO ADVERTISING .... The Conventional & Cheap Way
- 01/26/11 03:49 AM
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realty humor: Jeans & Chicken On Sunday Real Estate...
- 01/23/11 01:50 PM
It snows maybe once every 2-3 years in Houston, if it does, it's barely enough to make a snowball. We take freezing cold temperatures to the highest concern to the point where it's almost a bit silly. Last night the temperature dropped to an Earth shattering 30 degrees....... All over town people wrapped their pipes, plants and made sure to leave their faucets dripping. Apparently this homeowner got a little creative when it came to pipe wrapping:
After showing homes I made a quick trip to the grocery store. I have no words for the next picture. I'll … (10 comments)
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realty humor: What Happens When A Realtor Tries To Buy A Home.....?
- 01/18/11 02:37 PM
Betty Bookmark is a Realtor in big city USA and she wants to buy a home. Last year Betty made $76,000.00 in total commissions. Every year Betty gets cute with her CPA and ultimately writes off about $60,000.00 of her income leaving a taxable income of about 16k. After credits, her children and the interest on her home, Betty finds herself getting a check from IRS for about $1,900.00. Basically Betty the Top Producing Baller is considered a broke ass Realtor who actually needs to get a check from Uncle Sam as she's recognized as a poverty stricken member of the … (24 comments)
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realty humor: Incredible New Communication Device Set To Change The Industry Landscape!
- 01/06/11 12:29 PM
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realty humor: NAR and NARRP Create New Housing For Retired Realty Persons....
- 01/04/11 05:58 PM
Just In...
The National Association of Realty & National Association of Retired Realty Persons has combined resources and efforts to create a first ever housing and care facility. The 27 million dollar project is expected to house more than 11,000 Real Estate personal each and every year for the next 24 years, according to an undisclosed source.
Many Realtors are so broke they are eating out of trash cans and relying on fruit roll-ups for nourishment and caloric intake. The government has decided to take swift action, as many "retired" Realtors are fakers. They "assume' they're retired, but not really. They wonder … (16 comments)
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realty humor: 5 Questions You Shouldn't Bother Asking When Negotiating A Sale.....
- 11/16/10 05:49 AM
1. Why are the sellers moving?
Homes are not cars. And people sell homes much differently than they do their used Pontiac. No listing agent is going to say.. "my sellers are moving because they can't afford the home and they desperately need the equity to survive."
Personally, I don't like making people lie to me. Listing agents usually respond with.. "Job transfer, moving-up or relocating." They'll never tell us what they want to hear as buyers and buyers agents.
2. Will the sellers give me their souls, unborn grandchildren and complete access to their retirement accounts?
It's still a … (21 comments)
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realty humor: Please Don't Act Like Oprah If You Have a 695 Credit Score
- 10/28/10 05:06 AM
I have my own perception about credit scores. Often potential buyers and tenants will say they have "okay or decent credit."
A 300 is the absolute LOWEST credit score you can have while an 850 is the highest. So tell your buddy who brags about having a 990 credit score to have another while he's at it. A "bitch please" can be used if necessary.
When you say "I have okay credit" you should understand that a 640 is about the LOWEST score you can have to still qualify for a home loan. That means a 580 is POOR … (23 comments)
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realty humor: Buyer Qualifies with a 388 Credit Score With No Money Down - Incredible!
- 10/26/10 05:07 AM
Yesterday I deleted all but one of the 239 spam emails from my inbox. We've all seen the emails that read.. "APPROVED BUYER WITH 400 CREDIT SCORE."
So I decided to call Wynaldo with Wynaldo Back Door Lending. His email read.. "EVERYONE IS APPROVED." Obviously this was gonna be a reallllllly long shot, but what they hey I thought.
Much to my surprise Wynaldo was able to fully approve my buyer, even though he has a 388 credit score. Here's what my buyer ended up with:
1. A 5.73% interest rate, 30 year fixed-rate.
2. Down payment … (13 comments)
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realty humor: TOP 10 Most Ignorant Comments Through The Showing Service:
- 10/06/10 08:24 AM
I don't know about you, but I dislike stupid feedback through the showing service. Time and time again I have to try and explain to my sellers just what this feedback means.
Here are some actual examples:
1. Thanks for letting me show George, (my name is, Greg). We love the house, but decided to put an offer on something else by the water because we are wondering about owner financing and aren't sure if your seller is in Texas or not. Have a great day.
2. Great house (Gino), but my buyers didn't like it because there was only 3 bedrooms.
3. This … (25 comments)
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realty humor: The Perfect Showing...................
- 09/24/10 11:37 AM
What is the perfect showing? Let me tell you..
1. The house is just like the pictures, It doesn't mysteriously back up to a nuclear power plant or federal compound for the mentally insane.
2. The home is spotless, well kept and very organized. All the blinds are opened just enough to allow the natural light in. Nobody is home, no food is left out and the televisions are off. Tupac is not playing in a small boom box laying on the floor in one of the bathrooms.
3. The seller has stowed away all their bras, guns, drugs, Ouija … (132 comments)
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realty humor: Note To Sellers: Do You Suck At Painting...
- 09/24/10 10:46 AM
Most people can't paint worth a damn. Then you have those that can kinda sorta paint, but they think they're better than they are because too many people pay them too many unnecessary compliments. Finally, you have the good painter, but with the attitude problem. That's usually the husband and wife team who think they can tell the difference between a Rembrandt & Norman Rockwell.
Truth is.. most painters are wannabes.
What really bothers me is when I'm showing houses & run into the murals. Buyers are not interested in seeing you, your kids and your dog painted on … (14 comments)
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realty humor: You Can't Kill Superman With Cash!
- 09/20/10 07:15 AM
Let's discuss what a cash offer is...
One... cash means you have no loan, it means you can close sooner and it also means you are a safer buyer.
That's usually it.
If you have cash you need to have common sense to go with it.
Cash means you have liquid money in an account that you can write a check against. PERIOD. Here's what it doesn't mean:
1. You have cash in an attic in another country, but you swear you can get to it.
2. As soon as Grandma's will is probated you'll have it, … (19 comments)
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realty humor: Real Estate Myths
- 09/10/10 10:29 AM
1. Cash is king and with it not only can you get a good deal on the home, but you can also take the sellers soul, retirement and unborn grandchildren too.
2. You can have bad credit, no job, no money and buy a foreclosure for $500.00 all while eating a yellow lobster at Red Lobster.
3. When you represent YOURSELF the listing agent will forfeit his 3% commission to you. He'll also pay off your college loans and mow the lawn of any house you buy for the next 25 years.
4. You can be a savvy and profitable investor by listening … (49 comments)
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realty humor: To Hell With Quitting Real Estate!! How To Eat For FREE .... Part I.
- 09/08/10 08:30 AM
Are you considering "throwing in the towel" on real estate? STOP and read this blog, it'll change your career, your life and quite possibly your waistline. In today's post we'll discuss how you can EAT FOR FREE.
Save Money & Eat For Free:
Stop buying groceries immediately. Realtors have an abundant source of FREE food all over town.
For Breakfast:
Walk into any local title company with a manila folder in your left hand while talking on your blue tooth. Make absolutely sure you use the phrase "executed contract" like 3 times. Use your right hand and wave it … (36 comments)
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realty humor: Discount Broker Has Listing Listed In Wrong County And...................
- 09/02/10 12:19 PM
A while back an acquaintance asked If I would list their home for very little commission as they wanted to hold their own open houses, make their own flyers and show the home themselves. Rather than get overly annoyed I just bowed out of the so called opportunity and let them do their thing.
Today that same acquaintance asked If I wouldn't mind "going to the MLS" to give them some feedback on their currently listed home. Of course I explained our Realtor Standards of Practice and touched on the ethical aspects of me criticizing their listing.
I … (30 comments)
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realty humor: Don't Be A Stupid Investor.....
- 09/02/10 09:56 AM
There are more poor examples of investors than their are good ones. I suppose you could interchange the word "investor" with just about anything.. but not really.
Over the last couple of years the local and national "investor camps" have been cranking out more and more wannabe investors. I don't know what goes on behind the curtains at Camp Kool-Aid, but I have a feeling the cult-like-atmospheres are in SERIOUS need of help. A potent dosage of REALITY.
Each day, every day I have 2-3 investors either call me, email me or come in as a "buyer prospect" off one of our … (14 comments)
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realty humor: I'm Such A Dummy
- 08/31/10 04:46 PM
I must of called 120 people today. I use the phrase "touching base" about 3 million times a year, it seems.
Tonight while calling prospects from my online data base this was said.....
"Hi XXXX, this is Greg Nino with RE/MAX I was calling to touch your base and see if you were still interested in seeing some homes some time soon." My associate in the office busted out laughing & immediately covered his mouth. I felt so incredibly stupid.
Soon afterwards I sent an email that had this written....
"Thanks for sending me the contract, XXXX tits … (41 comments)
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realty humor: Strange But True Stories In My Real Estate Career
- 08/31/10 06:56 AM
1. I'll never forget the seller who after receiving a contract on his vacant home removed all the faucets & ceiling fans. He remembered that those were "fixtures" and that they could not be removed from the house. He said he had intentions of replacing them with the "original parts." The home was built in the 60's. This error in judgement cost him and me a sale. The buyer went to the appraisal over the weekend & was so angry he cancelled the contract. The call was.. "Why are all the faucets missing?"
2. I gave the seller a "list of … (68 comments)
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realty humor: Crotch Scratcher...............
- 08/18/10 09:33 AM
One of my buyers had to find a home TODAY, not two weeks from now, but today. As luck would have it, the listing agent was missing in action and the showing service stipulated that the property was APPOINTMENT REQUIRED. This meant I couldn't show the property until the listing agent called me back.
This was the ONLY house my buyer wanted to see.
I called the listing agent repeatedly, like 20 times. I was getting so pissed off that she would not answer her damn phone.
We decided to just drive to he house anyways. When we pulled up … (31 comments)
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1. Leave feedback on the showing that reads: "Offer coming, best we've seen all month!" Then send no offer, return no calls and ignore inquiries from the LA.
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