I was showing property the other day and had a few minutes to kill between appointments. I asked my buyer if he would like a cup of coffee. Yes, he replied. So I drove over to Sandy's Cafe at the corner of White at Virginia. I had been at the same place at about the same time the day before. The guy behind the counter who waited on me then was helping another customer. A new guy looks at me and asked me what I wanted.
I said "One small cafe con leche with two sugars and a decaf." He asks "Sugar?" and I said sugar in the con leche but not the decaf. He walks to the coffee machines and starts the laborious process of freshly brewing coffee just for me. He bangs, cleans, adds coffee, turns on the machine, grabs the machine and fiercely jerks it. He removes the small coffee brewer and pours the hot coffee into a small white Styrofoam cup. He added the milk and sugar then put on the top. He placed the cup in front of me. Beat. Then I asked where the decaf was. He said "We only have decaf for con leche decaf." I replied I did not want the decaf con leche, only the decaf. He removed the coffee can from the shelf over the coffee machines as if to prove to me that he did indeed have decaf coffee. But then he said they do not sell decaf coffee, only decaf con leche.
Since I ordered the exact same thing the day before with no trouble at all, I was perplexed by my inability to get the same thing a day later. But I did not lose my cool. Instead, I remembered Jack Nicholson in a similar situation many years ago. I was attending law school when I saw the movie Five Easy Pieces. I was the legal staff assistant to Judge Frank Jamison and Diane Primavera was his Division Clerk (secretary) at that time. Diane asked me "Gary, have you seen Five Easy Pieces?" I said "I've never seen one easy piece."
In the movie Five Easy Pieces Jack Nicholson's character (Dupea) is in a diner and wants to order plain wheat toast which is not on the menu but which is easily made. Dupea had an easy way of getting to win:
The guy at Sandy's finally gave in and brewed a full cup of decaf with no con leche or sugar. I must have been there five to seven minutes. We barely made our next appointment on time. But we had a great laugh on the way. And I still haven't seen one easy piece. Nothing is easy.
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