billy jays: Another Satisfied Customer - 05/17/12 03:28 AM
Hi Folks! Billy Jays here!
I am just like you. I live in a neighborhood. I drive through neighborhoods. I look at the houses in neighborhoods.
Just yesterday as I was driving through my neighborhood I noticed another satisfied customer of one of my most popular products, Get Yer Gutter Garden!
Remember, with Get Yer Gutter Garden! you can plant and fill as much or as little of your gutter as you want! I have always suggested that you should be creative and artistic!
How best to impress your friends and neighbors than with a little splash and flash!
Well, as … (27 comments)
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billy jays: Chimchimeny Yer Chimney! - 04/29/12 04:13 AM
Hi friends! Billy Jays here!
I have something so special today, I think by the end of this commercial I might just be singing!
Tell me, how often do you pull into that driveway or walk around the side of the house and look at a boring, empty, everyday chimney!?
Well, can I guess?
Everyday!
Now that is one BOOOOORING chimney! Look at it!
Be bored no more!
Can I, your old buddy Billy Jays, introduce my newest, and certainly most decorative, product!
I am so proud of this can I introduce it with a song?
Chimchimeney, chimchimeney, a plant for … (21 comments)
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billy jays: Flatten Yer Fluid! - 04/06/12 03:29 AM
Friends!
Billy Jays here!
I am so happy to be with you today to introduce our newest product, truly the salvation of slow drains everywhere!
How many times have you had the gang in the basement to watch an important sports event, and while you're all standing around the wet bar you turn on the sink and the fluid you are sending down the drain, whatever that fluid might be, just won't flow?
I know it's happened to me before!
And it sure can be embarrassing!
Those darn traps under that sink sure can get in the way of good fluid … (16 comments)
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billy jays: Stuff Yer Spot! - 03/28/12 02:40 AM
How do you feel, folks, when you go outside and the soil, or your patio, has pulled something off the wall of your house, and left a big hole?
I know it makes me feel very self conscious! What will my friends and neighbors think?
And how would you feel if that self consciousness could go away in minutes!?
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
All you need is a can, what did I say, I case of my newest product Stuff Yer Spot!
Yes, Stuff Yer Spot! can spare your wall of holes, your friends and neighbors of wonderment and YOU … (18 comments)
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billy jays: Billy Jays - A Testimonial - 02/12/12 06:50 AM
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
This will bring a tear to your eye! It does to mine!
I have brought you many products in the past.
As you know, our wonderful wares are sold nationwide, even internationally.
And why not! We have wonderful wares!
And when we hear back about the success of our products, well, can it get any better than that! We want to share those success stories with you, our loyal followers and customers!
Recently we received information about how hearty and lush one of our most popular products is - Get Yer Gutter Garden!
Yes, Get Yer … (22 comments)
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billy jays: Dress Yer Hose! - 01/11/12 05:48 AM
Hi friends!
Billy Jays here!
So often we all enter or exit our homes, looking to one side or the other, to see a plain Jane hose hooked up to the bib.
And I know that so often I have thought, "Billy, that is one plain Jane hose hooked up to that bib."
Well, I know you have too!
And there can be nothing but embarrassment when family and friends show up!
Those days of embarrassment are gone!
Introducing, Dress Yer Hose!
Yes, with Dress Yer Hose! you can make your hose look like no other hose in the neighborhood!
… (15 comments)
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billy jays: Foam Yer Foundation! - 12/26/11 06:25 AM
Does it bother you to be able to look through holes in your foundation wall?
Or does water pour in through it every time it rains?
Or how about just shoring it up when it looks weak and falling apart?
Well, be bothered no more!
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
Let me introduce you to our last product of 2011, and our FIRST product of 2012!
Get my new Foam Yer Foundation!
Yes, with Foam Yer Foundation! all those gaps, and your worries, will disappear!
No more seeing through the foundation!
No more rivers coming through the … (30 comments)
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billy jays: Foam Yer Flash! - 08/22/11 05:27 AM
Do you ever go outside to look at your roof and just know the flashing isn't working?
Or go into the attic to lay more and more plywood over your insulation so you can further crush it with boxes of books only to see how much water is getting into your attic space?
Well, you will have that worry no more!
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
I know I don't like that feeling!
So do I have a solution?
OF COURSE I DO! I'M BILLY JAYS!
Introducing Foam Yer Flash!
With Foam Yer Flash! you can flash your roof in a … (17 comments)
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billy jays: Mound Yer Mortar! - 07/14/11 08:03 AM
Hi folks! Do you ever worry that those puny pieces of metal flashing around your chimney just aren't enough protection against water?
I know I do!
Wouldn't you like something a bit more attractive? And thick? And paintable?
Well, worry no more!
Hi, Billy Jays here!
Now you can get everything you want - with my new attractive, thick and paintable Mount Yer Mortar!
You will worry no more!
With Mound Yer Mortar! you can make it as attractive as you want!
With Mound Yer Mortar! you can make it as thick as you want!
And With Mound … (18 comments)
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billy jays: Jape Yer Jewelry! Billy Jays QR Code Contest Submission - 06/09/11 06:26 AM
I know you have been sitting around thinking, "My, oh my, it's the 17th anniversary of the QR Code and I still haven't found anything useful to do with it! I wonder what I could do?"
And, thinking further, "Gee, oh gee, how can I make my QR Code Qter?"
WELL, YOU CAN THINK AND WONDER NO MORE!
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
Let me introduce Jape Yer Jewelry!
Now that less than 1/1000th of 1% of the population can actually scan a QR code with their phone, and know how and why to do it, with Jape Yer Jewelry! they … (30 comments)
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billy jays: Stick Yer Screen! - 05/12/11 05:30 AM
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
I am so happy to be here to introduce our new product!
No doubt you are like me! We all have houses with windows. And don't those windows have screens? Sure they do!
And how often have you been waken up at night by the banging and pounding of a screen against the window when a stormy wind whips up? Well I know I have!
AND IT CAN BE AGGRAVATING!
Introducing Stick Yer Screen!
Yes, Stick Yer Screen! is guaranteed to stop that banging and shaking forever!
No more getting up at night and thinking about … (31 comments)
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billy jays: Git Yer Gap! - 05/01/11 07:26 AM
Hi everyone! Billy Jays here!
Today I am going to introduce our first product for kids only!
They will love it!
I call it Git Yer Gap!
Boys and girls, do you know how scary it can be to go to your parents' doors only to find them closed? And they are usually those big, double doors! What can you do?
Well, have a look at this!
This is Git Yer Gap!
From a distance like this it might not look like much!
But it is! You know, as you approach the door, sometimes your parents are making noise and sometimes … (28 comments)
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billy jays: Bend Yer Barrier! - 04/19/11 06:51 AM
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
Are you tired and bored with step flashing under your shingles?
Hey, I bet you're bored with flashing altogether!
You go outside, look up at your roof and think, "Gee, there's got to be an easier way to finish off the sides of my shingles without doing all that work."
Well, THINK no more! And I mean that sincerely!
All you need is Bend Yer Barrier!
What you do is slide my convenient pieces of sheet metal against the neighbor's roof and add my new Bend Yer Barrier!
And you can trim … (14 comments)
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billy jays: Wet Yer Whistle! - 04/06/11 07:34 AM
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
Warm weather will be here real soon!
Doesn't just the thought of that conjure up images in your minds? Outdoor activities, gardening, ball games, mowing the lawn - well, you name it!
You will be doing it! And you will need to Wet Yer Whistle!
Have you worried about what to do when you get thirsty this summer?
I know I have. And I want to help you with that!
Let me introduce my new product!
I call it DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!
Now I know what you're thinking! Hey, isn't that the stuff so many people … (22 comments)
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billy jays: View Yer Vent! - 03/23/11 06:38 AM
It's not often we are able to bring you two fine products in the same week!
Hi folks! Billy Jays here!
I know when you are sitting under your fine patio roofs, especially those so low to the ground, you are wondering what in the world you can do to kick it up a notch! Something to make it more interesting! And more appealing!
Well, thank goodness and goodness me! You can wonder no more!
Can I introduce View Yer Vent! ?
Yes, with View Yer Vent! you can add just the right touch to any patio roof!
What am … (24 comments)
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billy jays: Tar Yer Top! - 03/21/11 07:05 AM
Do you have a little walk way or patio behind the house with a roof over it? And does where that roof connects to the house need some dressing up?
Well, wonder no more about what to do!
Hi, Billy Jays here!
All you will need, all you will EVER need, is Tar Yer Top!
Yes folks, no matter how large or small, high or low, flat or steep, Tar Yer Top! will finish it off nicely!
You merely take a special tube of Tar Yer Top! and my easy-to-use caulk gun and start caulking!
… (20 comments)
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billy jays: Bend Yer Bolt! - 01/12/11 08:09 AM
Have you noticed how your deck beams, posts and columns are bolted but still feel loose?
Do you go out onto the deck to feel things wobbling about?
Is it a worry that you want to go away?
Well, worry no more!
Hi, Billy Jays here!
I know it bothers me when I go onto a deck and things are a bit wobbly.
Or if I go underneath and see that the through bolts have no nuts on them!
Or even if the through bolts do have nuts on them and things are still wobbly!
Well, let this bother you no … (29 comments)
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billy jays: Fan Mail - 12/26/10 07:44 AM
Hi, Billy Jays here!
As a prominent, and popular, inventor and media marketer, I get a lot of fan mail!
And why not? My products are everywhere, of excellent quality and timely.
One of the reasons they are so timely is because of excellent suggestions that I receive from my clients, and fans!
I have to say, I always take these suggestions seriously.
And, thinking all the time, I take advantage of the best things I hear.
For example, just a few days ago, a friend of mine was bitten by a dog. And he was contacted by someone who's name … (33 comments)
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billy jays: Choose Yer Chews! - 12/24/10 08:33 AM
Do you go into people's homes? Is it a part of your job? Or are you a social butterfly and flit from home to home?
Are you forever worrying that a dog might be inside, and that you might be bitten?
Well, that worry is now a thing of the past!
Your new mantra can now be NEVER AGAIN! I am NOT dog meat!
Hi, Billy Jays here!
This is for all of you who have ever heard the pitiful phrase,
"OH, MY. SHE'S NEVER BITTEN ANYBODY!"
And that is AFTER you are the one who popped the biter's bite … (22 comments)
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billy jays: Get Yer Glop! - 12/15/10 06:02 AM
How often have you been in this situation?
You have guests coming over and go outside to look at the house.
You want the house to look perfect!
But you see a hole here, a gap there.
You don't have a lot of time! What do you do?
Well, I know that is NOT a good feeling! And I feel your pain! (Biting the lower lip now)
Hi, Billy Jays here!
Well, you don't have to feel that feeling again!
Introducing Get Yer Glop!
Yes, Get Yer Glop! will solve all those problems, AND MORE!, in a jiffy!
"But Billy," … (32 comments)
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